Decision Time

I can’t believe this is happening. I mean, there I was just minding my own business like any other good stay-at-home-mom-writer-supervisor-chaffuer-nurse-facebook-addict when the fancy Born Organizers of LDStorymakers started announcing their superawesomeness in the form of Agents. AGENTS.

Usually, I don’t get all ding happy over this because I’ve never been ready to pitch. But this May, things are going to be different. Now, I’ve pitched once before, but only because I WON the pitch session. I tried to get out of it, because I’d only been writing for nine months, but the coordinator encouraged me to use the time to ask questions and such. I went in, tried to get a laugh out of the agent, and attempted to bond over our similar background with COWS, but she barely cracked a smile. {In case you’re wondering, I consider it an epic fail.}  It killed me, but it didn’t scare me. I like people. I like to talk. I love, LOVE, LURVE talking to people about my story. But back then, I knew nothing of blurbs, queries, and elevator pitches. Didn’t even know they existed, friends. That’s how fresh I was.

Guess what? That’s not the case anymore.

So when Kaylee and Melanie announced an agent that sends my nerves into over-drive and my heart to into my throat, a part of me panicked in a way I hadn’t ever experienced. WHAT AM I DOING? I MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING? All this time, I’ve been writing for me, and believed deep down that I would try to go big, just because I’m the GO BIG OR GO HOME type, but the idea of actually pitching this story is a little scarier than I thought it would be. And I’m not easily intimidated.

Any smart writer would want this woman on their side. I mean, she’s LEGIT. Haha. Okay, but really, people. She’s AMAZING. Her name gets dropped in writing circles and to say you’ve worked with her or that she said YES to you is a big deal. So, yeah. My fingers just iced up as if Elsa touched them.

On top of that, Ashley sent back the copy-edit, and it’s looking good, friends. Real good. I’m in this happy place with FOR THE LOVE and because of it the idea of querying it pulls me in two directions–self publish or try to go traditional. I mean, I’m there. It’s almost time to query the guts out of  it and receive my fair share of rejections. They are battle scars to be proud of, right?  I’m so close. I can taste it. And then, at the same time, I’m thinking, I’m there. I am so happy with my MS I could publish it myself and have no regrets.

Except, I would. I would wonder forever and ever: WHAT IF? What if I had sent it to the right agent, and what if she/he loved it, and what if they sold it off and I was the next. big. thing. Every author has to feel this way, I would think, at some point. The odds of it happening can be compared to all kinds of athletic teams winning certain games or cups and titles, but I’m no sports guru, so I can’t give you a good one. Suffice it to say, however, that the odds are like that.

When I think the words,”What do I want to do?” I’m like this:

and this maybe just a tiny bit like this: {But if we’re being honest, I just had to have this gif because–oh mamma!–Don’t you wanna reach out and comfort him?}

So, where do I go from here?

Well, this is where it really pays to have friends in the industry and I am so grateful for mine. Cassie Mae’s words of encouragement and advice have calmed me and re-established the cool, collected side of me. {Okay, so anyone who knows me is probably thinking this is a lie. They’d describe me as dramatic and energetic–I think. And they’d be right. I am in two musicals right now. What can I say? But I can be cool and collected.} She had this to say: I know a lot of people who look down on self publishing. Like it is somehow less valid because it’s so easy and anyone can do it. It’s not easy. 

Now we add a slice of Jolene Perry to the side, and with her insight and support, I’ve turned into a cucumber. She said, I’d sign up for a pitch session with her even if you send her a query.” After discussing this further, I am chilled and relaxed, ready to face the world of words once more. I know what I want to do. So if you’re asking yourself: Will she self-publish or go traditional? Keep calm. I have a plan. And for a pantser like me, that’s a big deal.

Perhaps for some the answer is easy for most writers. For others, for me, it might a torturous couple of days. Or weeks. Or longer. And there maybe be a few restless nights, as well. Not to mention, there may have been a dream in which I was pitching to Chris Evans. Which is weird, because he’s not even an agent.

Darn it.

Moving on…

So for the next few months, I’m going to keep trucking along like I’ve been doing. I’m going to work hard and I’m not going to let the panic in. I’m not going to let the fear that someone else has a better Cupid story than mine ground me.

I’ve got this.
*Cue Captain America music, because, why not?*

One thought on “Decision Time

  1. Your blog is ADORABLE.
    That being said – what people seem to forget is that everything in publishing takes TIME. (unless you’re one of the freak self-pub successes, which we’re going to see less and less of) The more careful and deliberate people go about publishing, the better their chances are of reaching their goals.
    You’re hilarious.


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